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(no subject)

August 8th, 2006 (02:07 am)
current mood: urrrgh
current song: me trying to give up on myself one heartbeat at a time LOLOL

#1 i am a huge ridonkulous emo piece of shit mess right now so i shoudlnt even be writing in here because im sure itll turn out lovely for me to re-read at a later date. and by lovely, i mean ill probably want to cut my wrists and black my eyes.

cha right.

#2 i dont even understand anything. (vague statement number one). allow me to elabor8 on this though. i seriously dont think that i have a grasp on whats going on around me. because no, i have no idea how im going to deal with getting older. im not sure if youll understand this but i have that feeling.....where everything around me is clearly changing but im staying the same. but the thing is, im not. im not the same. im getting older every day. and im gaining/losing chances with every breath i take and you cant go back and have do-overs. and despite the fact that i must somehow understand that, i clearly dont. because i dont live my life in a way that would positively reflect that concept. so thats great. but i dont mean that i regret things i do/dont do because to be very honest i wouldnt go back and change a lot of things because i like where i am right now. somewhat. BLAH EMO SHIT onward.

#3 tonight i sat out by a pool and while my friends were swimming and talking i just stared at the sky. and thought. which probably explains why im emo and whatnot right now. but hear me out.........i dont know what was going on. i dont know whether it was a meteor shower or what but it was amazing. and i pretty much zoned out and just focused on myself and the things i love/care about for a nice 40 minutes. and i came to multiple conclusions. the first of which will be that im afraid to admit how i really feel about things. por ejemplo--im pretty sure i love someone. and thats a shithole. hahahahhaa wow that sounds lovely but no, like i think this is the down and out, i would basically do anything for said person type of love. or maybe not. i dont think it should be. and the shithole aspect of the whole deal is i dont know if this is the relationship type of love or just the fact that i would care for someone to go out of my way and do just about anything for. either way, no bueno for me.

#4 also by the pool i thought about the future and realize it scares me more than anything else ever could. im talking about if i were in a pool with a million giant squids but was thinking about the future, i wouldnt even think twice about the squid. that was so lame please dont even read back over it because i promise it wont make any more sense. the fact that the world could end during my lifetime....scares me. the fact that wars are going on and that there are biblical references to stuff going on now and the stuff in the 'end of times' really concerns me. and i try to be logical about it and say that there have been wars all throughout history and yeah, i dont know. regardless, the thought scares me.

#5 with the future comes the whole love thing again. mother of god i just thought of it now like what if i really do like...love......this kid? and then i dont do anything. and as time goes on i cant expect things to be the way they are now. things will change. im sure we'll grow out of eachother or something. and then what if the next thing i know, i'm getting invited to his marrage? omg thatd be so weird. i cant even think about that right now.

#6 so now im sitting here and realizing that i dont know what to do. im able to write this out and go nowhere with it. and that bothers me, also. i think the thing is, i cant even really confide in anyone what my true feelings are about almost anything. i somehow have to be vague and illude details as to make myself feel better and avoid a binding commitment of my words. so thats awesome, too.

and for lucky #7
pretty much i realize that there is one person that i always want to have these types of discussions with. where i can try to gain insight on seemingly basic things. and i never have. and im not sure if i ever will. because i dont know. i think im being ridiculous about the whole thing and should be able to open my bloodshot eyes and realize that i, most likely (and by most likely i mean almost definitely), am reading far too into the situation and the extent of my feelings are not going to be returned in the way that i need. not the way i want, cause to be absolutely honest.........i dont even know what i want. so itll be pretty hard to get it, huh?

WOO wasnt this fun kids?
im sure it was.

i should go to sleep before i turn into an even bigger piece of emo garbage.

so goodnight.

(no subject)

August 5th, 2006 (02:14 am)
current song: chopin

what a sappy entry zis is going to be! good golly i can already tell.

i will begin this with the fact that i absolutely adore my friends. almost everyone in my close circle or wtfever we want to call it, yeah, i like 'em. dinner tonight was quite lovely. as was sitting around and being crunk. half way through the sitting down, something clicked, and i remembered to call jenny back =( i am sorry child. i cannot believe i forgot and again, my apologies. but i called and you no answer. so wassssup gurl. hollaback. (cos' you are such a hollaback nina)

after hanging out wiff everyoooone, sara and i went for a lil drive. and talked. it was pretty cool. i like how absolutely nothing eventful happens but i'm sure by the end of this entry it'll end up being a few paragraphs long. but yeah, holla sara. cuz' im glad im friends with you.

ummmm whaaaaaat else what else.
yeah so i didnt get to see leah tonight. BOO. hopefully tomorrowwwww i can.
i guess its technically august 5th now and facebook is telling me that tomorrow is marc's birthday so holl@ i barely even know you but i hope its all sorts of crunkxcore.

in other news--
it is 220 and i am a lil sleepy. so thats an almost normal hour to sleep. right? or not at all? im really not sure what a normal hour to sleep is now, but i do know that 10 am is going to start coming a lot earlier than im used to.

i found ze perfect keyboard. its a casio and im in love with it. its absolutely amazing. and i really cant wait to get it and start playing around. ive got some pretty intense ideas. a lot involving classical music. but i think its about time for some indie-grindcore to go down. yeah i said it.

i thinkkkk i might go play a few songs without chords. and maybe sleep? who knows. i live life, no rules and such.

ps- i sort of want to go see jtmd. otherwise known to the free world as john tucker must die. has anyone seen it? if so, was it good.
if not, wanna go?

nobody saiiiid it was eassssssssssaaaayyyyy

August 3rd, 2006 (11:37 pm)
current song: this time it's on my own

so for whatever reason, coldplay came on shuffle this time. and i decided to let it play through. the scientist. duh. and it got to that part, eh, about 3:30 into it, where the high pitched bit comes in. and i started laughing so much. because i remember marc and i trying to harmonize........and by trying, i mean we fuckin' hit it dead on. it was amazing.

i hung out wiff stephanie tonight. it was good. im glad i did. we did a whole bunch of nothing. which consisted of me being extra cozy in the 'central park' aspect of downtown woodlands, eating my tarts of pop, and drinking some nice, cold water. we talked. a lot. and it was good. good good good. glad. good. i said good twice without thinking and figured i'd throw in a glad for......good measure.

so tomorrow begins the maddness.......
known as.........
tax
free
weekend

i really h8 tax free weekend. i really despise the way people go all insane over it. cuz' really, i get it people, there's no tax. but is it serrrriously worth it? probz not. am i going shopping though? sadly, yes.
and i'm going to the worst possible place.
the galleria.

now i really dont understand this. nothing is going to be any cheeper, per se, at the galleria......theres just no tax. so really i dont see the big rush and such. i would almost avoid any mall/clothing establishment this weekend. but i really need to use up a gift card...UGH. and then jcrew actually has a sale, but i intend on trying to sneek into the woodlands jcrew and get out asap.

good grief people are annoying!

however i ammmmm looking forward to the next few days.
I AM GOING TO MEET LEAH, FINALLY. AND I AM EXCITED AS BALLS ABOUT THATTTT MESS!
tomorrow night i am going to dinner with old oak ridge people + maybe amanda. and then going to visit jenny and lewis perhaps. hahahhahaa which i think is RIDONK. but yeah.
saturday i hope to see aaron or something. seeing as we have some unfinished business to attend to. compound on the fact that i really want to go to ze gosh dang museum with him. so we can see the squid. and he can make fun of me or something. or not. because i'll act brave and such.
saturday i also hope to see people i havent seen in a while. then maybe back.
seeing as sunday......i may be going to seattle. for.....im actually not sure how long.

so this is the part of the summer where it all speeds up and catches us all off guard.
i hate and love it at the same time.
schools going to be starting soon. another year. another chance for me to prove myself and probably end up feeling like shit. but im excited none the less. i cant wait for next year. not because i hate the woodlands, im just ready. and i hope for my own sake that i mature and pick up on different skills that'll help me survive come this time next year.
well, i guess this is growing up?

relaxed and reclining...........

August 3rd, 2006 (07:00 pm)
current song: i know i cannot see you eveeeen if i wanteddd tooooooo

say goodnight and goooo. i still like this song. i dont even care what you have to say about it!!!!

i am in such an extremely good mood right now. and im not all too positive as to why. but im glad i am. yeayeayea. i have just listened to death cab+imogen heap+mcs+now wheatus. GOOD! LOLLERZ. um yeah so lets talk about things that have happened to me. me me me. all about me. and things that have happened. to. me...........

yesterday if you asked me "hey gurl wassup?!" i would have replied with NASSSSSSING SIR/MA'AM! i basically sat around all day. listened to music. made phone calls. watched tv. all that cool stuff. and zennnn took a showah and whilst in the shower, apparently, my phone was off da hook with calls. meaning, like 3 people called me. which i found ironic seeing as i was next to my phone all damn day and nothing happened but then i go take a shower and chaaaa right. okay. so i call amanda back, seeing as she was ze first one to call. and she tells me of plans about going out wiff ashley. that's kewl. we were going out after 930 which was GOOD because the season finale of the hills was on and neither of us wanted to miss that crrrrrap. (which i may or may not rant about later.)

so yup. have i ever said i loved ashley? because i do. i love her and amanda. and i cant believe theyre both leaving in like 2 weeks. AGH! but yes yes, we left my house at about 10 and went to bw3's to meet with travis, brent, other ashley, andddd dan. it turned out to be a pretty alright time, actually. i didnt talk too much to other ashley, travis, or brent...or even amanda for that matter. most of the night involved playing those little game things with dan and ashley. which, we learned we were not as smart as most 12 yr olds apparently. which, sucked. we left at about 1ish i suppose. took amanda home. then ashley took me home. we had fun converstaions. and i love them both. etc etc lame girly things to say. yeahyeahyeah.

that was pretty much last night in a nutshell. i liked everyone i met and such.

today involved me sleeping until about 2 in ze afternoon. yesssssssssssss! i loved it. every single, sleepy minute of it.

my dad got home at like 3ish and i helped him unload boxes into ze garage. he changed and we went to a late lunch at honey bee. which is still delish. then went to walmart, which was weeeeeeeeird. and now im home again. and about to go hang out with stephanie. which i am so so so so glad to do. i miss her. EEP!

i would also like to give a shout out to aaron for NOT being dead. which i was convinced he was. and ummm. yes. i will upd8 later, i am so sure of it. lawl. byeeeee kiddddies.

ohhh the l8 night survey

August 2nd, 2006 (02:30 am)

(no subject)

August 1st, 2006 (03:43 pm)
current mood: sssssleepy
current song: bloodbros

ive recently become inthralled with facebook. not so much as OMG MYSPACE or wtfever the craze was, but ive actually tried to find some people i was friends with and such and then....actually....found 3 of them. holla sean g, sarah s, and......well i forgot the last person but im sure they actually are somewhat one of my friends and such. (and yer welcome sean and sarah for me not using your last names for the interweb pederasts.)

also, not so much recently, i have realized i love sleep. and by love sleep........i mean most of my life as of this moment is comprised of sleeping. i sleep way too much. i just recounted with dmoney about how much i slept last night....from 430am until about 1ish. so that's like 8+ hours.....and then i could go take a nap right now. NO BUENO, i say. i really wish i had a life of some sort. and by a life, i mean just do something. anything, really.

have you noticed i have said my old phrase of "and by ___ i mean ___" a few times?
ive noticed.

im in a somewhat better mood than ze last post. somewhat. so lets not even talk about itttt. yeeehaw. alright. moving on.

yessssssssterday......i went to work. hollaaaaa. thats about it. when i got home, i talked to peoplez online. which is very common. i then made plans to venture into houston and have dinner wiff my friends. which was very qt by the way. thennnn i went to my friend's friend's house, which was also very qt. i love the houses over in, well ricky lived in belaire. still bueno though. from there, i came back to ze woodlands and walked around the waterway with corey for a bit. then left to meet aaron on ze bridge. but inbetween i saw tamaryn, jessica, and sean? i believe his name was. yes, sean. then aaron picked me up and im glad for multiple reasons. i like listening to the beach boys. we talked about shoes. because for whatever reason, i am hellbent on getting him to buy new shoes. which possibly may never happen. but as long as he never gets those gd weed leaf vans, im fine. he wouldnt promise not to though, which made me a little upset. not realllllly. but yeah, i really have no idea how i met aaron but im glad i did at some point.

then i got home at like 1am ish and began talking to people online. you know how i do. and that was the rest of the night.

MINUS FUCKIN DUSTINMONEY AND I PLAYING THE FUCKIN FLUGTAG GAME FOR ALMOST AN HOUR. holy grief! that was unbelievable and sad.
all we wanted was to achieve 120..........which did not happen btw.

and now for today, i have done next to nothing. as i believe i have stated already. im still tired, a bit, and wouldnt mind napping. although i probably wont. i would really like to go to the grocery store or something. i need to get some shitz.

okay SOMEONE LETS TO GO ZE STORE KTHXbye.

(no subject)

July 31st, 2006 (04:06 am)
current location: HOMEgdit

welp LJ, let me tell you this
i am very down.
i hope it is just a passing phase but i have been royally screwed over tonight.
and let me tell you another thing.......
it does not feel good.
i feel like shit right now.
and as much as i tell myself it doesnt matter to me,
clearly it does.
and that's pretty lame.
urgh.

goodnight.

does the pope shit in the woods?

July 26th, 2006 (02:51 am)
current location: homeeeeeeeeyeah
current mood: sleepie
current song: dbaz

wellllllllll. today. it sure was a day.

i woke up at about 1ish. somewhere in there. a bit earlier than usual. hah god, thats sad to say. ended up doing nothinggggggg much for most of the afternoon. planned the denton/dallas whatnots. didnt actually finish that but im not concerned. itll all go fine. shit yeah.

from there i went and picked up jesse with tamaryn and jessica and we ended up going to BOWL! god i love bowling. seriously, i do. i think part of it must be because of my love for the big lebowski and my love of quoting lines. which nobody got, by the way. (i love how everyone laughed like they did...and i was like "you know.." and then the subject was quickly changed.) this happens everytime. OH! i saw matt hines thereee. then he left. but for a brief moment someone else was completely in on my big lebowski references. he shaved his beard. and now has a moustache which actually doesnt look bad. his hair, however, was aboslutely WILD. but i liked it. so congrats matt. he also had a minus the bear shirt on, which made me smile.

so yeah, completely pwnd everyone at bowling. 114 first game. which yeah, i was definitely losing up until the last frame. where i got a spare and a strike and then won. holl@. second game. not so much. jesse won. third game, by far my best game... started off with a strke, followed by two spares, then i missed one pin and went downhill from there. sort of. ended up with a 121. which isnt bad at alllll. i beat alan through my first 5 frames. fyi alan was 2 lanes over and was a bowling champ. f yeah.

so i saw just about everyone i knew tonight at the bowling alley. which was really weird. people i used to go to church with. mixed with a llllllot of people i went to school with. mixed with random ass people that i just so happened to know. i only sort of acknowledged a few, but mostly avoided eyecontact in order not to have to talk to them. matt, yeah, he was the only one i actually had a conversation with. so yeah. holla at that mothershitters.

now, i am washing clothes. it's 3:09 in the morning. i have stuff to do still before i leave tomorrow. that's awesome.
(for my own reference due to the fact i think i will be sleeping soon..)
i need to:
-put the clothes i washed in my bag
-get my makeup/shampoo and such and put that in ze other bag
-get gatsby and bring it wiff me. so i can read in a park or somethiing.
-GET MONEY! god. yeah. pleaaaaaaase let that work out well. kthx.
-get cds
-bring salt whatnots for my ear
**BRING MY DAMN CAMERA**

YEAH so tomorrow i'm going to denton. and thats cool. im pretty excited. i like that damn place. chilling in denton tomorrow and then going to dallas tomorrow night. where i will be staying ze night. and thursday i dont have tooooo much to do besides i think im going to go visit a friend at her wooooork. and then wassup? nasing. and then aarkoon has a showww wiff his qt little band thursday night. so i'll be attending that.

OH TOMORROW NIGHT, LET'S GO BOWLING OKAY KIDDIES? yeah. itll be fun!

okayyy. i think that's good.
goooooodnight babies.

when you wake up i'll beeeee gone

July 25th, 2006 (03:38 am)
current song: shuffffffffle

good grief the rest of my monday was quiiiiiiite hectic. not really. but sort of.
i went to "the fudd" with tamaryn. we ate dinner. sat and talked. about a lot of things. mostly lady in the water + her boyfriend drama. WOO interesting, i know.

from there we went to borders, where they did NOT have one single copy of the great gatsby. because for whatever reason i think that the reason i can't complete the book is because of my copy of the book. don't fuck with me, i'm supersticious and stuff. but i think it really must have something to do with the fact that my copy was previously my dad's copy back whenever the hell he read it and it's falling apart.

so when they didn't have that, i started reading a magazine. ended up buying it. it talked a lot about myspace. very interesting. holl@ psychology! well, it wasn't really anything psychological, but i saw my own connections. um everything is psychological? pretty much. whatevs.

from borders we returned BACK to 'the fudd' and waited for jessica and laura to finish closing up. we peaced out of there, i dono, about 1030ish. waited at jessica's house for her to change and such then got to denny's at about 11. where we stayed until 1:20. yeah. we are interesting. i also know this.

we talked a lot. i made people get the hiccups. i'm sorry. in one way though i'm glad i make people laugh. which is ironic because i don't even make myself laugh sometimes. but knowing that i make other people laugh is a badass thing. omg how lame is this? but it's true.

and now i am home.
and am tired.
but im going to stay online for a while because im stupid.
so shut your eyessss.

VIKING QUEST!

July 24th, 2006 (03:08 pm)
current mood: connnnfused and hungles
current song: ...i'm watching TRL

no capitalization/apostrophies in this entry lil chillin's. minus that one. damn wtfever.

so im fairly positive i am absolutely in love with the show entourage on hbo. its by far one of the greatest things ive ever seen. and i watched it last night and was, again, really glad i did. some of the lines were so hilarious to me. i like it. a lot. i should start watching it more.

hug it out, bitch.



but now, i am waiting for my dad to be ready to go and then we're going to get a sandwichhhh then he wants to go to walmart. and i really don't want to. because i hate the walmart on 242 now. only its never bad when im there with my dad. when im there with dustin/jenny/becca or some combination of that, its bad. and the people are such assholes. and we never even do anything wrong!!! UGH ASSHOLES!

i found out that in dallas, theres this one theater that plays like a bunch of old stuff. or. not OLD stuff. but definitely not new releases. such as they played the big lebowski a few nights ago. and theyre playing the godfather this week. that's so awesome. i want to go there.

"i'm talking franchise, baby! well get you the lunchbox. and an action figure with a monster cock."